TESS OF THE D’URBERVILLES
PART 20
Phase the Sixth: The Convert, XLV-LII
XLV
Till this
moment she had never seen or heard from d'Urberville since her departure from
Trantridge.
The
rencounter came at a heavy moment, one of all moments calculated to permit its
impact with the least emotional shock. But such was unreasoning memory that,
though he stood there openly and palpably a converted man, who was sorrowing
for his past irregularities, a fear overcame her, paralyzing her movement so
that she neither retreated nor advanced.
To think
of what emanated from that countenance when she saw it last, and to behold it
now! … There was the same handsome unpleasantness of mien, but now he wore
neatly trimmed, old-fashioned whiskers, the sable moustache having disappeared;
and his dress was half-clerical, a modification which had changed his
expression sufficiently to abstract the dandyism from his features, and to
hinder for a second her belief in his identity.
To Tess's
sense there was, just at first, a ghastly bizarrerie, a grim
incongruity, in the march of these solemn words of Scripture out of such a
mouth. This too familiar intonation, less than four years earlier, had brought
to her ears expressions of such divergent purpose that her heart became quite
sick at the irony of the contrast.
It was
less a reform than a transfiguration. The former curves of sensuousness were
now modulated to lines of devotional passion. The lip-shapes that had meant
seductiveness were now made to express supplication; the glow on the cheek that
yesterday could be translated as riotousness was evangelized to-day into the
splendour of pious rhetoric; animalism had become fanaticism; Paganism,
Paulinism; the bold rolling eye that had flashed upon her form in the old time
with such mastery now beamed with the rude energy of a theolatry that was
almost ferocious. Those black angularities which his face had used to put on
when his wishes were thwarted now did duty in picturing the incorrigible
backslider who would insist upon turning again to his wallowing in the mire.
The
lineaments, as such, seemed to complain. They had been diverted from their
hereditary connotation to signify impressions for which Nature did not intend
them. Strange that their very elevation was a misapplication, that to raise seemed
to falsify.
Yet could
it be so? She would admit the ungenerous sentiment no longer. D'Urberville was
not the first wicked man who had turned away from his wickedness to save his
soul alive, and why should she deem it unnatural in him? It was but the usage
of thought which had been jarred in her at hearing good new words in bad old
notes. The greater the sinner, the greater the saint; it was not necessary to
dive far into Christian history to discover that.
Such
impressions as these moved her vaguely, and without strict definiteness. As
soon as the nerveless pause of her surprise would allow her to stir, her
impulse was to pass on out of his sight. He had obviously not discerned her yet
in her position against the sun.
But the
moment that she moved again he recognized her. The effect upon her old lover
was electric, far stronger than the effect of his presence upon her. His fire,
the tumultuous ring of his eloquence, seemed to go out of him. His lip
struggled and trembled under the words that lay upon it; but deliver them it
could not as long as she faced him. His eyes, after their first glance upon her
face, hung confusedly in every other direction but hers, but came back in a
desperate leap every few seconds. This paralysis lasted, however, but a short
time; for Tess's energies returned with the atrophy of his, and she walked as
fast as she was able past the barn and onward.
As soon as
she could reflect, it appalled her, this change in their relative platforms. He
who had wrought her undoing was now on the side of the Spirit, while she
remained unregenerate. And, as in the legend, it had resulted that her Cyprian
image had suddenly appeared upon his altar, whereby the fire of the priest had
been well nigh extinguished.
She went
on without turning her head. Her back seemed to be endowed with a sensitiveness
to ocular beams—even her clothing—so alive was she to a fancied gaze which
might be resting upon her from the outside of that barn. All the way along to
this point her heart had been heavy with an inactive sorrow; now there was a
change in the quality of its trouble. That hunger for affection too long
withheld was for the time displaced by an almost physical sense of an
implacable past which still engirdled her. It intensified her consciousness of
error to a practical despair; the break of continuity between her earlier and
present existence, which she had hoped for, had not, after all, taken place.
Bygones would never be complete bygones till she was a bygone herself.
Thus
absorbed, she recrossed the northern part of Long-Ash Lane at right angles, and
presently saw before her the road ascending whitely to the upland along whose
margin the remainder of her journey lay. Its dry pale surface stretched
severely onward, unbroken by a single figure, vehicle, or mark, save some
occasional brown horse-droppings which dotted its cold aridity here and there.
While slowly breasting this ascent Tess became conscious of footsteps behind
her, and turning she saw approaching that well-known form—so strangely accoutred
as the Methodist—the one personage in all the world she wished not to encounter
alone on this side of the grave.
There was
not much time, however, for thought or elusion, and she yielded as calmly as
she could to the necessity of letting him overtake her. She saw that he was
excited, less by the speed of his walk than by the feelings within him.
"Tess!"
he said.
She
slackened speed without looking round.
"Tess!"
he repeated. "It is I—Alec d'Urberville."
She then
looked back at him, and he came up.
"I
see it is," she answered coldly.
"Well—is
that all? Yet I deserve no more! Of course," he added, with a slight
laugh, "there is something of the ridiculous to your eyes in seeing me
like this. But—I must put up with that. … I heard you had gone away; nobody
knew where. Tess, you wonder why I have followed you?"
"I
do, rather; and I would that you had not, with all my heart!"
"Yes—you
may well say it," he returned grimly, as they moved onward together, she
with unwilling tread. "But don't mistake me; I beg this because you may
have been led to do so in noticing—if you did notice it—how your sudden
appearance unnerved me down there. It was but a momentary faltering; and
considering what you have been to me, it was natural enough. But will helped me
through it—though perhaps you think me a humbug for saying it—and immediately
afterwards I felt that of all persons in the world whom it was my duty and
desire to save from the wrath to come—sneer if you like—the woman whom I had so
grievously wronged was that person. I have come with that sole purpose in
view—nothing more."
There was
the smallest vein of scorn in her words of rejoinder: "Have you saved
yourself? Charity begins at home, they say."
"I
have done nothing!" said he indifferently. "Heaven, as I have been
telling my hearers, has done all. No amount of contempt that you can pour upon
me, Tess, will equal what I have poured upon myself—the old Adam of my former
years! Well, it is a strange story; believe it or not; but I can tell you the
means by which my conversion was brought about, and I hope you will be
interested enough at least to listen. Have you ever heard the name of the
parson of Emminster—you must have done do?—old Mr Clare; one of the most
earnest of his school; one of the few intense men left in the Church; not so
intense as the extreme wing of Christian believers with which I have thrown in
my lot, but quite an exception among the Established clergy, the younger of
whom are gradually attenuating the true doctrines by their sophistries, till
they are but the shadow of what they were. I only differ from him on the
question of Church and State—the interpretation of the text, 'Come out from
among them and be ye separate, saith the Lord'—that's all. He is one who, I
firmly believe, has been the humble means of saving more souls in this country
than any other man you can name. You have heard of him?"
"I
have," she said.
"He
came to Trantridge two or three years ago to preach on behalf of some
missionary society; and I, wretched fellow that I was, insulted him when, in
his disinterestedness, he tried to reason with me and show me the way. He did
not resent my conduct, he simply said that some day I should receive the
first-fruits of the Spirit—that those who came to scoff sometimes remained to
pray. There was a strange magic in his words. They sank into my mind. But the
loss of my mother hit me most; and by degrees I was brought to see daylight.
Since then my one desire has been to hand on the true view to others, and that
is what I was trying to do to-day; though it is only lately that I have
preached hereabout. The first months of my ministry have been spent in the
North of England among strangers, where I preferred to make my earliest clumsy
attempts, so as to acquire courage before undergoing that severest of all tests
of one's sincerity, addressing those who have known one, and have been one's
companions in the days of darkness. If you could only know, Tess, the pleasure
of having a good slap at yourself, I am sure—"
"Don't
go on with it!" she cried passionately, as she turned away from him to a
stile by the wayside, on which she bent herself. "I can't believe in such
sudden things! I feel indignant with you for talking to me like this, when you
know—when you know what harm you've done me! You, and those like you, take your
fill of pleasure on earth by making the life of such as me bitter and black
with sorrow; and then it is a fine thing, when you have had enough of that, to
think of securing your pleasure in heaven by becoming converted! Out upon
such—I don't believe in you—I hate it!"
"Tess,"
he insisted; "don't speak so! It came to me like a jolly new idea! And you
don't believe me? What don't you believe?"
"Your
conversion. Your scheme of religion."
"Why?"
She
dropped her voice. "Because a better man than you does not believe in
such."
"What
a woman's reason! Who is this better man?"
"I
cannot tell you."
"Well,"
he declared, a resentment beneath his words seeming ready to spring out at a
moment's notice, "God forbid that I should say I am a good man—and you
know I don't say any such thing. I am new to goodness, truly; but newcomers see
furthest sometimes."
"Yes,"
she replied sadly. "But I cannot believe in your conversion to a new
spirit. Such flashes as you feel, Alec, I fear don't last!"
Thus
speaking she turned from the stile over which she had been leaning, and faced
him; whereupon his eyes, falling casually upon the familiar countenance and
form, remained contemplating her. The inferior man was quiet in him now; but it
was surely not extracted, nor even entirely subdued.
"Don't
look at me like that!" he said abruptly.
Tess, who
had been quite unconscious of her action and mien, instantly withdrew the large
dark gaze of her eyes, stammering with a flush, "I beg your pardon!"
And there was revived in her the wretched sentiment which had often come to her
before, that in inhabiting the fleshly tabernacle with which Nature had endowed
her she was somehow doing wrong.
"No,
no! Don't beg my pardon. But since you wear a veil to hide your good looks, why
don't you keep it down?"
She pulled
down the veil, saying hastily, "It was mostly to keep off the wind."
"It
may seem harsh of me to dictate like this," he went on; "but it is
better that I should not look too often on you. It might be dangerous."
"Ssh!"
said Tess.
"Well,
women's faces have had too much power over me already for me not to fear them!
An evangelist has nothing to do with such as they; and it reminds me of the old
times that I would forget!"
After this
their conversation dwindled to a casual remark now and then as they rambled
onward, Tess inwardly wondering how far he was going with her, and not liking
to send him back by positive mandate. Frequently when they came to a gate or
stile they found painted thereon in red or blue letters some text of Scripture,
and she asked him if he knew who had been at the pains to blazon these
announcements. He told her that the man was employed by himself and others who
were working with him in that district, to paint these reminders that no means
might be left untried which might move the hearts of a wicked generation.
At length
the road touched the spot called "Cross-in-Hand." Of all spots on the
bleached and desolate upland this was the most forlorn. It was so far removed
from the charm which is sought in landscape by artists and view-lovers as to
reach a new kind of beauty, a negative beauty of tragic tone. The place took
its name from a stone pillar which stood there, a strange rude monolith, from a
stratum unknown in any local quarry, on which was roughly carved a human hand.
Differing accounts were given of its history and purport. Some authorities
stated that a devotional cross had once formed the complete erection thereon,
of which the present relic was but the stump; others that the stone as it stood
was entire, and that it had been fixed there to mark a boundary or place of
meeting. Anyhow, whatever the origin of the relic, there was and is something
sinister, or solemn, according to mood, in the scene amid which it stands;
something tending to impress the most phlegmatic passer-by.
"I
think I must leave you now," he remarked, as they drew near to this spot.
"I have to preach at Abbot's-Cernel at six this evening, and my way lies
across to the right from here. And you upset me somewhat too, Tessy—I cannot,
will not, say why. I must go away and get strength. … How is it that you speak
so fluently now? Who has taught you such good English?"
"I
have learnt things in my troubles," she said evasively.
"What
troubles have you had?"
She told
him of the first one—the only one that related to him.
D'Urberville
was struck mute. "I knew nothing of this till now!" he next murmured.
"Why didn't you write to me when you felt your trouble coming on?"
She did
not reply; and he broke the silence by adding: "Well—you will see me
again."
"No,"
she answered. "Do not again come near me!"
"I
will think. But before we part come here." He stepped up to the pillar.
"This was once a Holy Cross. Relics are not in my creed; but I fear you at
moments—far more than you need fear me at present; and to lessen my fear, put
your hand upon that stone hand, and swear that you will never tempt me—by your charms
or ways."
"Good
God—how can you ask what is so unnecessary! All that is furthest from my
thought!"
"Yes—but
swear it."
Tess, half
frightened, gave way to his importunity; placed her hand upon the stone and
swore.
"I am
sorry you are not a believer," he continued; "that some unbeliever
should have got hold of you and unsettled your mind. But no more now. At home
at least I can pray for you; and I will; and who knows what may not happen? I'm
off. Goodbye!"
He turned
to a hunting-gate in the hedge and, without letting his eyes again rest upon
her, leapt over and struck out across the down in the direction of
Abbot's-Cernel. As he walked his pace showed perturbation, and by-and-by, as if
instigated by a former thought, he drew from his pocket a small book, between
the leaves of which was folded a letter, worn and soiled, as from much
re-reading. D'Urberville opened the letter. It was dated several months before
this time, and was signed by Parson Clare.
The letter
began by expressing the writer's unfeigned joy at d'Urberville's conversion,
and thanked him for his kindness in communicating with the parson on the
subject. It expressed Mr Clare's warm assurance of forgiveness for
d'Urberville's former conduct and his interest in the young man's plans for the
future. He, Mr Clare, would much have liked to see d'Urberville in the Church
to whose ministry he had devoted so many years of his own life, and would have
helped him to enter a theological college to that end; but since his
correspondent had possibly not cared to do this on account of the delay it
would have entailed, he was not the man to insist upon its paramount
importance. Every man must work as he could best work, and in the method
towards which he felt impelled by the Spirit.
D'Urberville
read and re-read this letter, and seemed to quiz himself cynically. He also
read some passages from memoranda as he walked till his face assumed a calm,
and apparently the image of Tess no longer troubled his mind.
She
meanwhile had kept along the edge of the hill by which lay her nearest way
home. Within the distance of a mile she met a solitary shepherd.
"What
is the meaning of that old stone I have passed?" she asked of him.
"Was it ever a Holy Cross?"
"Cross—no;
'twer not a cross! 'Tis a thing of ill-omen, Miss. It was put up in wuld times
by the relations of a malefactor who was tortured there by nailing his hand to
a post and afterwards hung. The bones lie underneath. They say he sold his soul
to the devil, and that he walks at times."
She felt
the petite mort at this unexpectedly gruesome information, and left the
solitary man behind her. It was dusk when she drew near to Flintcomb-Ash, and
in the lane at the entrance to the hamlet she approached a girl and her lover
without their observing her. They were talking no secrets, and the clear
unconcerned voice of the young woman, in response to the warmer accents of the
man, spread into the chilly air as the one soothing thing within the dusky
horizon, full of a stagnant obscurity upon which nothing else intruded. For a
moment the voices cheered the heart of Tess, till she reasoned that this
interview had its origin, on one side or the other, in the same attraction
which had been the prelude to her own tribulation. When she came close, the
girl turned serenely and recognized her, the young man walking off in
embarrassment. The woman was Izz Huett, whose interest in Tess's excursion
immediately superseded her own proceedings. Tess did not explain very clearly
its results, and Izz, who was a girl of tact, began to speak of her own little
affair, a phase of which Tess had just witnessed.
"He is Amby Seedling, the chap who used to
sometimes come and help at Talbothays," she explained indifferently.
"He actually inquired and found out that I had come here, and has followed
me. He says he's been in love wi' me these two years. But I've hardly answered
him."
XLVI
Several
days had passed since her futile journey, and Tess was afield. The dry winter
wind still blew, but a screen of thatched hurdles erected in the eye of the
blast kept its force away from her. On the sheltered side was a turnip-slicing
machine, whose bright blue hue of new paint seemed almost vocal in the
otherwise subdued scene. Opposite its front was a long mound or "grave",
in which the roots had been preserved since early winter. Tess was standing at
the uncovered end, chopping off with a bill-hook the fibres and earth from each
root, and throwing it after the operation into the slicer. A man was turning
the handle of the machine, and from its trough came the newly-cut swedes, the
fresh smell of whose yellow chips was accompanied by the sounds of the
snuffling wind, the smart swish of the slicing-blades, and the choppings of the
hook in Tess's leather-gloved hand.
The wide
acreage of blank agricultural brownness, apparent where the swedes had been
pulled, was beginning to be striped in wales of darker brown, gradually
broadening to ribands. Along the edge of each of these something crept upon ten
legs, moving without haste and without rest up and down the whole length of the
field; it was two horses and a man, the plough going between them, turning up
the cleared ground for a spring sowing.
For hours
nothing relieved the joyless monotony of things. Then, far beyond the
ploughing-teams, a black speck was seen. It had come from the corner of a
fence, where there was a gap, and its tendency was up the incline, towards the
swede-cutters. From the proportions of a mere point it advanced to the shape of
a ninepin, and was soon perceived to be a man in black, arriving from the
direction of Flintcomb-Ash. The man at the slicer, having nothing else to do
with his eyes, continually observed the comer, but Tess, who was occupied, did
not perceive him till her companion directed her attention to his approach.
It was not
her hard taskmaster, Farmer Groby; it was one in a semi-clerical costume, who
now represented what had once been the free-and-easy Alec d'Urberville. Not
being hot at his preaching there was less enthusiasm about him now, and the
presence of the grinder seemed to embarrass him. A pale distress was already on
Tess's face, and she pulled her curtained hood further over it.
D'Urberville
came up and said quietly—
"I
want to speak to you, Tess."
"You
have refused my last request, not to come near me!" said she.
"Yes,
but I have a good reason."
"Well,
tell it."
"It
is more serious than you may think."
He glanced
round to see if he were overheard. They were at some distance from the man who
turned the slicer, and the movement of the machine, too, sufficiently prevented
Alec's words reaching other ears. D'Urberville placed himself so as to screen
Tess from the labourer, turning his back to the latter.
"It
is this," he continued, with capricious compunction. "In thinking of
your soul and mine when we last met, I neglected to inquire as to your worldly
condition. You were well dressed, and I did not think of it. But I see now that
it is hard—harder than it used to be when I—knew you—harder than you deserve.
Perhaps a good deal of it is owning to me!"
She did
not answer, and he watched her inquiringly, as, with bent head, her face
completely screened by the hood, she resumed her trimming of the swedes. By
going on with her work she felt better able to keep him outside her emotions.
"Tess,"
he added, with a sigh of discontent,—"yours was the very worst case I ever
was concerned in! I had no idea of what had resulted till you told me. Scamp
that I was to foul that innocent life! The whole blame was mine—the whole unconventional
business of our time at Trantridge. You, too, the real blood of which I am but
the base imitation, what a blind young thing you were as to possibilities! I
say in all earnestness that it is a shame for parents to bring up their girls
in such dangerous ignorance of the gins and nets that the wicked may set for
them, whether their motive be a good one or the result of simple
indifference."
Tess still
did no more than listen, throwing down one globular root and taking up another
with automatic regularity, the pensive contour of the mere fieldwoman alone
marking her.
"But
it is not that I came to say," d'Urberville went on. "My
circumstances are these. I have lost my mother since you were at Trantridge,
and the place is my own. But I intend to sell it, and devote myself to
missionary work in Africa. A devil of a poor hand I shall make at the trade, no
doubt. However, what I want to ask you is, will you put it in my power to do my
duty—to make the only reparation I can make for the trick played you: that is,
will you be my wife, and go with me? … I have already obtained this precious
document. It was my old mother's dying wish."
He drew a
piece of parchment from his pocket, with a slight fumbling of embarrassment.
"What
is it?" said she.
"A
marriage licence."
"O
no, sir—no!" she said quickly, starting back.
"You
will not? Why is that?"
And as he
asked the question a disappointment which was not entirely the disappointment
of thwarted duty crossed d'Urberville's face. It was unmistakably a symptom
that something of his old passion for her had been revived; duty and desire ran
hand-in-hand.
"Surely,"
he began again, in more impetuous tones, and then looked round at the labourer
who turned the slicer.
Tess, too,
felt that the argument could not be ended there. Informing the man that a
gentleman had come to see her, with whom she wished to walk a little way, she
moved off with d'Urberville across the zebra-striped field. When they reached
the first newly-ploughed section he held out his hand to help her over it; but
she stepped forward on the summits of the earth-rolls as if she did not see
him.
"You
will not marry me, Tess, and make me a self-respecting man?" he repeated,
as soon as they were over the furrows.
"I
cannot."
"But
why?"
"You
know I have no affection for you."
"But
you would get to feel that in time, perhaps—as soon as you really could forgive
me?"
"Never!"
"Why
so positive?"
"I
love somebody else."
The words
seemed to astonish him.
"You
do?" he cried. "Somebody else? But has not a sense of what is morally
right and proper any weight with you?"
"No,
no, no—don't say that!"
"Anyhow,
then, your love for this other man may be only a passing feeling which you will
overcome—"
"No—no."
"Yes,
yes! Why not?"
"I
cannot tell you."
"You
must in honour!"
"Well
then … I have married him."
"Ah!"
he exclaimed; and he stopped dead and gazed at her.
"I
did not wish to tell—I did not mean to!" she pleaded. "It is a secret
here, or at any rate but dimly known. So will you, please will you, keep
from questioning me? You must remember that we are now strangers."
"Strangers—are
we? Strangers!"
For a
moment a flash of his old irony marked his face; but he determinedly chastened
it down.
"Is
that man your husband?" he asked mechanically, denoting by a sign the
labourer who turned the machine.
"That
man!" she said proudly. "I should think not!"
"Who,
then?"
"Do
not ask what I do not wish to tell!" she begged, and flashed her appeal to
him from her upturned face and lash-shadowed eyes.
D'Urberville
was disturbed.
"But
I only asked for your sake!" he retorted hotly. "Angels of
heaven!—God forgive me for such an expression—I came here, I swear, as I
thought for your good. Tess—don't look at me so—I cannot stand your looks!
There never were such eyes, surely, before Christianity or since! There—I won't
lose my head; I dare not. I own that the sight of you had waked up my love for
you, which, I believed, was extinguished with all such feelings. But I thought
that our marriage might be a sanctification for us both. 'The unbelieving
husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by
the husband,' I said to myself. But my plan is dashed from me; and I must bear
the disappointment!"
He moodily
reflected with his eyes on the ground.
"Married.
Married! … Well, that being so," he added, quite calmly, tearing the
licence slowly into halves and putting them in his pocket; "that being
prevented, I should like to do some good to you and your husband, whoever he
may be. There are many questions that I am tempted to ask, but I will not do
so, of course, in opposition to your wishes. Though, if I could know your
husband, I might more easily benefit him and you. Is he on this farm?"
"No,"
she murmured. "He is far away."
"Far
away? From you? What sort of husband can he be?"
"O,
do not speak against him! It was through you! He found out—"
"Ah,
is it so! … That's sad, Tess!"
"Yes."
"But
to stay away from you—to leave you to work like this!"
"He
does not leave me to work!" she cried, springing to the defence of the
absent one with all her fervour. "He don't know it! It is by my own arrangement."
"Then,
does he write?"
"I—I
cannot tell you. There are things which are private to ourselves."
"Of
course that means that he does not. You are a deserted wife, my fair
Tess—"
In an
impulse he turned suddenly to take her hand; the buff-glove was on it, and he
seized only the rough leather fingers which did not express the life or shape
of those within.
"You
must not—you must not!" she cried fearfully, slipping her hand from the
glove as from a pocket, and leaving it in his grasp. "O, will you go
away—for the sake of me and my husband—go, in the name of your own
Christianity!"
"Yes,
yes; I will," he said abruptly, and thrusting the glove back to her he
turned to leave. Facing round, however, he said, "Tess, as God is my
judge, I meant no humbug in taking your hand!"
A
pattering of hoofs on the soil of the field, which they had not noticed in
their preoccupation, ceased close behind them; and a voice reached her ear:
"What
the devil are you doing away from your work at this time o' day?"
Farmer Groby
had espied the two figures from the distance, and had inquisitively ridden
across, to learn what was their business in his field.
"Don't
speak like that to her!" said d'Urberville, his face blackening with
something that was not Christianity.
"Indeed,
Mister! And what mid Methodist pa'sons have to do with she?"
"Who
is the fellow?" asked d'Urberville, turning to Tess.
She went
close up to him.
"Go—I
do beg you!" she said.
"What!
And leave you to that tyrant? I can see in his face what a churl he is."
"He
won't hurt me. He's not in love with me. I can leave at Lady-Day."
"Well,
I have no right but to obey, I suppose. But—well, goodbye!"
Her
defender, whom she dreaded more than her assailant, having reluctantly
disappeared, the farmer continued his reprimand, which Tess took with the
greatest coolness, that sort of attack being independent of sex. To have as a
master this man of stone, who would have cuffed her if he had dared, was almost
a relief after her former experiences. She silently walked back towards the
summit of the field that was the scene of her labour, so absorbed in the
interview which had just taken place that she was hardly aware that the nose of
Groby's horse almost touched her shoulders.
"If
so be you make an agreement to work for me till Lady-Day, I'll see that you
carry it out," he growled. "'Od rot the women—now 'tis one thing, and
then 'tis another. But I'll put up with it no longer!"
Knowing
very well that he did not harass the other women of the farm as he harassed her
out of spite for the flooring he had once received, she did for one moment
picture what might have been the result if she had been free to accept the
offer just made her of being the monied Alec's wife. It would have lifted her
completely out of subjection, not only to her present oppressive employer, but
to a whole world who seemed to despise her. "But no, no!" she said
breathlessly; "I could not have married him now! He is so unpleasant to
me."
That very
night she began an appealing letter to Clare, concealing from him her
hardships, and assuring him of her undying affection. Any one who had been in a
position to read between the lines would have seen that at the back of her
great love was some monstrous fear—almost a desperation—as to some secret
contingencies which were not disclosed. But again she did not finish her
effusion; he had asked Izz to go with him, and perhaps he did not care for her
at all. She put the letter in her box, and wondered if it would ever reach
Angel's hands.
After this
her daily tasks were gone through heavily enough, and brought on the day which
was of great import to agriculturists—the day of the Candlemas Fair. It was at
this fair that new engagements were entered into for the twelve months
following the ensuing Lady-Day, and those of the farming population who thought
of changing their places duly attended at the county-town where the fair was
held. Nearly all the labourers on Flintcomb-Ash farm intended flight, and early
in the morning there was a general exodus in the direction of the town, which
lay at a distance of from ten to a dozen miles over hilly country. Though Tess
also meant to leave at the quarter-day, she was one of the few who did not go
to the fair, having a vaguely-shaped hope that something would happen to render
another outdoor engagement unnecessary.
It was a
peaceful February day, of wonderful softness for the time, and one would almost
have thought that winter was over. She had hardly finished her dinner when
d'Urberville's figure darkened the window of the cottage wherein she was a
lodger, which she had all to herself to-day.
Tess
jumped up, but her visitor had knocked at the door, and she could hardly in
reason run away. D'Urberville's knock, his walk up to the door, had some
indescribable quality of difference from his air when she last saw him. They
seemed to be acts of which the doer was ashamed. She thought that she would not
open the door; but, as there was no sense in that either, she arose, and having
lifted the latch stepped back quickly. He came in, saw her, and flung himself
down into a chair before speaking.
"Tess—I
couldn't help it!" he began desperately, as he wiped his heated face,
which had also a superimposed flush of excitement. "I felt that I must
call at least to ask how you are. I assure you I had not been thinking of you
at all till I saw you that Sunday; now I cannot get rid of your image, try how
I may! It is hard that a good woman should do harm to a bad man; yet so it is.
If you would only pray for me, Tess!"
The
suppressed discontent of his manner was almost pitiable, and yet Tess did not
pity him.
"How
can I pray for you," she said, "when I am forbidden to believe that
the great Power who moves the world would alter His plans on my account?"
"You
really think that?"
"Yes.
I have been cured of the presumption of thinking otherwise."
"Cured?
By whom?"
"By
my husband, if I must tell."
"Ah—your
husband—your husband! How strange it seems! I remember you hinted something of
the sort the other day. What do you really believe in these matters,
Tess?" he asked. "You seem to have no religion—perhaps owing to
me."
"But
I have. Though I don't believe in anything supernatural."
D'Urberville
looked at her with misgiving.
"Then
do you think that the line I take is all wrong?"
"A
good deal of it."
"H'm—and
yet I've felt so sure about it," he said uneasily.
"I
believe in the spirit of the Sermon on the Mount, and so did my dear
husband… But I don't believe—"
Here she
gave her negations.
"The
fact is," said d'Urberville drily, "whatever your dear husband
believed you accept, and whatever he rejected you reject, without the least
inquiry or reasoning on your own part. That's just like you women. Your mind is
enslaved to his."
"Ah,
because he knew everything!" said she, with a triumphant simplicity of
faith in Angel Clare that the most perfect man could hardly have deserved, much
less her husband.
"Yes,
but you should not take negative opinions wholesale from another person like
that. A pretty fellow he must be to teach you such scepticism!"
"He
never forced my judgement! He would never argue on the subject with me! But I
looked at it in this way; what he believed, after inquiring deep into
doctrines, was much more likely to be right than what I might believe, who
hadn't looked into doctrines at all."
"What
used he to say? He must have said something?"
She
reflected; and with her acute memory for the letter of Angel Clare's remarks,
even when she did not comprehend their spirit, she recalled a merciless
polemical syllogism that she had heard him use when, as it occasionally
happened, he indulged in a species of thinking aloud with her at his side. In
delivering it she gave also Clare's accent and manner with reverential
faithfulness.
"Say
that again," asked d'Urberville, who had listened with the greatest
attention.
She
repeated the argument, and d'Urberville thoughtfully murmured the words after her.
"Anything
else?" he presently asked.
"He
said at another time something like this"; and she gave another, which
might possibly have been paralleled in many a work of the pedigree ranging from
the Dictionnaire Philosophique to Huxley's Essays.
"Ah—ha!
How do you remember them?"
"I
wanted to believe what he believed, though he didn't wish me to; and I managed
to coax him to tell me a few of his thoughts. I can't say I quite understand
that one; but I know it is right."
"H'm.
Fancy your being able to teach me what you don't know yourself!"
He fell
into thought.
"And
so I threw in my spiritual lot with his," she resumed. "I didn't wish
it to be different. What's good enough for him is good enough for me."
"Does
he know that you are as big an infidel as he?"
"No—I
never told him—if I am an infidel."
"Well—you
are better off to-day that I am, Tess, after all! You don't believe that you
ought to preach my doctrine, and, therefore, do no despite to your conscience
in abstaining. I do believe I ought to preach it, but, like the devils, I
believe and tremble, for I suddenly leave off preaching it, and give way to my
passion for you."
"How?"
"Why,"
he said aridly; "I have come all the way here to see you to-day! But I
started from home to go to Casterbridge Fair, where I have undertaken to preach
the Word from a waggon at half-past two this afternoon, and where all the
brethren are expecting me this minute. Here's the announcement."
He drew
from his breast-pocket a poster whereon was printed the day, hour, and place of
meeting, at which he, d'Urberville, would preach the Gospel as aforesaid.
"But
how can you get there?" said Tess, looking at the clock.
"I
cannot get there! I have come here."
"What,
you have really arranged to preach, and—"
"I
have arranged to preach, and I shall not be there—by reason of my burning
desire to see a woman whom I once despised!—No, by my word and truth, I never
despised you; if I had I should not love you now! Why I did not despise you was
on account of your being unsmirched in spite of all; you withdrew yourself from
me so quickly and resolutely when you saw the situation; you did not remain at
my pleasure; so there was one petticoat in the world for whom I had no
contempt, and you are she. But you may well despise me now! I thought I
worshipped on the mountains, but I find I still serve in the groves! Ha!
ha!"
"O
Alec d'Urberville! what does this mean? What have I done!"
"Done?"
he said, with a soulless sneer in the word. "Nothing intentionally. But
you have been the means—the innocent means—of my backsliding, as they call it.
I ask myself, am I, indeed, one of those 'servants of corruption' who, 'after
they have escaped the pollutions of the world, are again entangled therein and
overcome'—whose latter end is worse than their beginning?" He laid his
hand on her shoulder. "Tess, my girl, I was on the way to, at least,
social salvation till I saw you again!" he said freakishly shaking her, as
if she were a child. "And why then have you tempted me? I was firm as a
man could be till I saw those eyes and that mouth again—surely there never was
such a maddening mouth since Eve's!" His voice sank, and a hot archness
shot from his own black eyes. "You temptress, Tess; you dear damned witch
of Babylon—I could not resist you as soon as I met you again!"
"I
couldn't help your seeing me again!" said Tess, recoiling.
"I
know it—I repeat that I do not blame you. But the fact remains. When I saw you
ill-used on the farm that day I was nearly mad to think that I had no legal
right to protect you—that I could not have it; whilst he who has it seems to
neglect you utterly!"
"Don't
speak against him—he is absent!" she cried in much excitement. "Treat
him honourably—he has never wronged you! O leave his wife before any scandal
spreads that may do harm to his honest name!"
"I
will—I will," he said, like a man awakening from a luring dream. "I
have broken my engagement to preach to those poor drunken boobies at the
fair—it is the first time I have played such a practical joke. A month ago I should
have been horrified at such a possibility. I'll go away—to swear—and—ah, can I!
to keep away." Then, suddenly: "One clasp, Tessy—one! Only for old
friendship—"
"I am
without defence. Alec! A good man's honour is in my keeping—think—be
ashamed!"
"Pooh!
Well, yes—yes!"
He
clenched his lips, mortified with himself for his weakness. His eyes were
equally barren of worldly and religious faith. The corpses of those old fitful
passions which had lain inanimate amid the lines of his face ever since his reformation
seemed to wake and come together as in a resurrection. He went out
indeterminately.
Though
d'Urberville had declared that this breach of his engagement to-day was the
simple backsliding of a believer, Tess's words, as echoed from Angel Clare, had
made a deep impression upon him, and continued to do so after he had left her.
He moved on in silence, as if his energies were benumbed by the hitherto
undreamt-of possibility that his position was untenable. Reason had had nothing
to do with his whimsical conversion, which was perhaps the mere freak of a
careless man in search of a new sensation, and temporarily impressed by his
mother's death.
The drops of logic Tess had let fall into the sea of
his enthusiasm served to chill its effervescence to stagnation. He said to
himself, as he pondered again and again over the crystallized phrases that she
had handed on to him, "That clever fellow little thought that, by telling
her those things, he might be paving my way back to her!"
To be continued